By: Jim Roddy, President & CEO at the RSPA
In movies and other mass media, business leaders are usually portrayed as decisive, brash, and tough. Think Michael Douglas as the ruthless Gordon Gekko in Wall Street, Meryl Streep as chronically demanding Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, or anyone in the cast of Succession.
An important leadership trait contradicting that conventional wisdom struck me recently: kindness.
Here’s the back story to this insight: The RSPA recently conducted its annual member survey. After the results are tabulated, our Member Services Team and I review each response line-by-line to determine a plan of action for each member.
The first thing we do for each entry is look at the name of the individual respondent. Not too far into our list – and we started our review with the lowest scores first – we paused to say, “She’s really kind.” One or two Excel lines later, we’re saying again, “He’s super nice.”
Again and again, we kept noting leaders of successful member companies who could be described as very kind, very nice, very friendly, very considerate – and very successful.
Their businesses are growing sales, hiring more people, and expanding their offering. One could say they’re smiling all the way to the bank. You couldn’t pay them to say to another human being “Details of your incompetence don’t interest me” or “Greed is good.”
I keep on my desk at all times a list of 18 Character Traits to strive to live up to daily, and #9 on the list is Kindness. The details say:
- Uphold the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you’d like to be treated.
- Mild. Gentle.
- Regard for the other person’s feelings.
- Take a genuine interest in people.
- Tolerance. Forgiveness. Forbearance. Mercy.
Does your leadership behavior align with each and every point listed? Mine doesn’t.
Here’s my confession to you (and perhaps I should tell this to a therapist as well): I’m naturally below average on the kindness scale. Of the 18 Character Traits, I always list kindness as an area to improve.
Yes, I actually write down and tack to my office bulletin board instructions I need to be kinder, more mild, more gentle. I have to override how I’ve been trained that leaders get the job done first and perhaps squeeze in kindness at the end by grunting “good job.”
I started working in the professional world in 1990 (three years after Wall Street debuted in theatres), and here’s a sampling of the behavior I saw from my higher ups:
- A sales director whose stated motto was “lie, cheat, and steal.”
- A president who screamed at me the first time I ever met him in person, chided me for my youth and inexperience, and then patted me on the head at the end of the meeting.
- A general manager, who instead of explaining to an employee why he was let go, snuck out the back door. I’m not speaking figuratively; he literally unlocked the back door of his office and left for the day while the guy was waiting to talk with him.
- A boss who saw our white board that charted a company record 64-of-65 job orders filled in one day – meaning our competitors were a combined 1-for-65 – and his only words to our team were, “You guys are happy giving a job away to the competition?”
Another Character Trait is Temperance which instructs us to “vigilantly strive to uncover, examine, admit, and battle your shortcomings in the ongoing struggle to improve how you behave.” So, here are some of the steps I’ve taken in my battle to become a kinder leader:
- As I mentioned, on my annual review I list kindness as an area to improve for the upcoming year. That way my supervisor can help me if they see me being less kind than I should be.
- I frequently ask my teammates after conversations if they observed me being too direct, too harsh, or unkind in any way.
- Start 1-on-1 meetings asking the other person to speak first. Ask them a question that leads to them sharing what’s most important to them.
- Keep track in writing of important personal stories people tell you about their kids, their pets, their health, upcoming vacations, planned major purchases, etc. Follow up in future conversations.
- I have a note under my laptop monitor that says DTSL, an abbreviation for “Don’t Talk So Long” because I can steamroll people in conversations.
- I purchased notepads that say at the top “BIG THANKS” and “WELL DONE.” Those were utilized more when I worked in an office environment (RSPA is 100% remote), but I still include those notes in many of my mailings.
- For coaching sessions, I keep handy a handwritten note saying “Kindness” and “Compliments” which reminds me to mix in praise with my critiques.
- Perhaps most importantly, I spend as much time as I can with kind people. The more I interact with RSPA members and my RSPA staff colleagues, I’ve noticed their kindness rubs off on me.
That last point is part of the reason I keep in touch with Rick “Stats” Klapthor even though I haven’t seen my friend in person since I moved south from Erie, PA, to Raleigh, NC, three years ago. Rick is one of the kindest people I know.
Every interaction with him is upbeat and entertaining, and he’s incredibly consistent (and kind) through greeting cards. Three times a year – my birthday, my daughter’s birthday, and my wedding anniversary, we receive a funny card from Rick signed, As Always, Stats.
Rick was inducted into our alma mater’s Athletic Hall of Fame because he’s served Gannon University for decades as their official basketball scorekeeper for home and away games. Rick closed his gracious and self-effacing induction speech with a line business leaders should heed:
“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”
